Yoga – The eagle has (crash) landed

September 26, 2012

I’ve been to yoga this week.  I’ve flirted with yoga classes for years and years, never attending a class with any real regularity.

Nothing has changed.

I rate yoga classes on the experience with the teachers, their style of yoga and whether or not I can walk without pain the next day.

I like this teacher :)

She is a good vibey sort, not quite a hippy, but not averse to using words such as ‘universal’ ‘One’ ‘earth’ ‘ground’ ‘consciousness” in various sentences.  I like her because I like her attitude – she is relaxed about the class, she gives variations for people with back issues and easy poses for noobs.

I also like her for not putting her hands on me to ‘help‘ me into a better downward facing dog position.  This happened to me with a more hands-on teacher years ago.  She went round the class, as our asses were in the air (downward facing dog looks like this, for the uninitiated):

In this position you are already feeling a little vulnerable, not to mention green.

Anyway, if we weren’t doing it as perfectly as Kermit there, she’d push you into a better alignment.  This might involve some unexpected shoving of hips, re-positioning of feet and pushing on the back.

In any case, for a beginner, to stretch the muscles to far in the first sessions has the unremarkable result that the next day HURTS.  I remember I couldn’t walk without my muscles protesting for a couple of days after that ‘help’ from that teacher.

So now I pick my classes with the next day in mind.  This session we did ‘eagle’ pose, which I am not familiar with.  I have done sun salutes at home and know the basic names and positions since yoga is really good for your body and I do rate it highly as a  form of physical and mental exercise.

EAGLE POSE: Best left to the eagles?

Well, it’s a contortion.  My strongest yogic area are leg stretches – the forward bends feel easiest to my body.  My weakest area are the balancing acts.  The eagle involves wrapping one foot around the calf (so, balancing awkwardly on one leg), whilst battling with your arms to weave your fingers into a very unnatural position, and then… we bend forward.

FALL FROM GRACE

I am not too good at co-ordination of movement.  I am worse at balance.  I realised my eagle was going to fall and in the few seconds left between the thought and the action my brain went into overdrive.  I quickly assessed my falling options:

  • Forward? An elderly lady in front of me = ABSOLUTELY NOT

  • Try to redirect my imbalance to the back or side so that I would stagger back, hopefully avoiding collision? = BETTER

  • Quick look to the side, ascertaining from the mirror the woman behind me is young = You’ll have to do!  Sorry love.

So, stagger I did.

Heavily putting the suspended leg back on the floor, whilst trying to untangle my hands in the process.  I freed my fingers, clumsily moving to the side and back whilst I got my balance back.

Luckily didn’t bang into anyone.  Apologised to the people I was keeling towards.  Leapt back on my own mat, two feet firmly on the ground.

Where eagles dare, I shall solemnly retreat.


ESA benefit changes – how will it affect me?

September 7, 2012

I started writing on this topic and the post became too long, so I’m splitting it.  I am one person, affected by a welfare benefits overhaul, who doesn’t know how to feel yet.  So, first part:

There is a massive change in welfare benefits in the UK at the moment, which is of concern to anyone who is already claiming sickness related benefits or will shortly need to.

If you are in the process of being assessed or wish to download the forms and information guides, then the dwp website has the links if you click—–> here.

Since there is the whole country to get through, people must feel the impact, for good or bad, at staggered times.

It’s my turn to be staggered.

Well, I completed the limited capability for work form, within the month, as required.  I then awaited for the results.

A few days ago I got the decision letter telling me that I had been placed in the work related activity group (as opposed to the ‘support’ group, which is reserved for those with limited capability for work related activity - KEEP UP, WILL YOU, this stuff is reviting.  I’m about to RIVET you.

 I was totally anxious when I got that letter.  I’ve not had time to read through the time-consuming, dreary particulars, which I am endeavouring to do, one clause at a time, but it really set me in a tail spin of anxiety when it hit me that I knew nothing about the new structure.

The greatest fear comes from simply not knowing.

I only knew the true extent of my not-knowing, when I received the decision letter, which helped to clarify that I was in a very vague category, with vague responsibilities to attend and take part in job focused interviews (or my benefit could be affected).  That last part was pretty clear.

Phrases like taking reasonable steps, seeing a job focused adviser at regular intervals rang out crystal clear, like piccolo song across a frosty lake.


Sadness and other random stuff that makes this title unsuccinct!

August 16, 2012

I don’t think unsuccinct is a word.  I looked it up after the red line appeared underneath.  No immediate hits on the on line reference pages.  I thought

I’d better not use it then,

then I thought

Why the hell not!

I was shocked the first time someone said Shakespeare had made up words for his plays, to help the tenor, inflexion, whatever you call it, when said aloud.

HE MADE WORDS UP!!!!!

HOW DARE HE?

I thought he was meant to be our greatest treasure and then I find out he would have failed his examinations in school on account of not knowing THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

Ha, there’s some irony in there somewhere.  Don’t worry about schooling, kids, it’s all just made up as we go along anyways…having said that, probably better to jump through the hoops if you’re playing the probabilities of being successful.

NEXT

I don’t know what I was going to say about sadness.

NEXT

I’m getting really annoyed whenever you finish a post on this blogging website it gives me a target for my next post count!!!!????

What’s all that about?  This little box comes up

congratulations, on your 101st post!  Now let’s aim for 103!’

That’s bizarre.  First of all, the targets are always one post up, which is like saying to a child, just eat one more vegetable, pleasssse…

And second, I haven’t got a second.

NEXT

There are some changes, people are moving away, and I’m feeling permanently edgy.  And sad.  And wondering what I should do with myself.  My mood is not stable – it’s dipping it’s foot in suicidal thinking then slowly resurfacing at bearable,  but not stable or within safe nice boundaries.

I think it might force me into a corner and then make me change things for the better, in a sink or swim sort of way – did I mention the corner is sort of rough white stone and I’m standing waist deep in water.  It’s cold in here.

NEXT

50 Shades of Gray and the following books are definitely similar to Twilight but I doubt plagiarism.  I say this having only read upto 158 pages of Twilight and all of the 50 shades trilogy.

NEXT

One mice gone, but there are more….I can’t bear them.  It’s not the animal itself – in a cage or in obvious sight would be okay.  It’s the skulking in the darkness and sudden bursts of running if you accidentally disturb them (switching a light on in the night etc).  They should have had a Mouse Olympic sprint event because they are lightning fast.

NEXT

I love taking  pictures of the moon.  It seems to be particularly atmospheric from my window at night and since I’m up at very haphazard times, I get to photograph it in all sorts of light.  I might make my next post a moon picture post.  I like the bright round white light moon with passing grey clouds partially obscuring it – classic horror style moon.

But if I zoom in on only the moon I get the more detailed view, with the darker parts and parts of craters visible.  I think I prefer those shots because I never managed to view the moon that way before having a zoom x21 camera.  It’s fun.


The People vs A. Mouse

August 10, 2012

Are mice more intelligent than they used to be?  Are we more stupid?

Why, oh why can’t we catch this little devil?

 

The facts of the case:

One rodent of mouse like proportions, brownish in colour, spotted by House Dwellers (HDs), about three weeks ago, in a bedroom.

HDs took prompt action to catch said intruder.  All rooms searched.  Pellets found in two bedrooms, kitchen and bathroom.

HDs have dealt with mice before.  Traps were set along the sides of the walls where ‘activity’ i.e. mouse crap, was present.

HDs believe mice prefer the sides of rooms as read and advised by other HDs.

Mouse is causing great disruption to HDs sleeping patterns and general level of well-being.

Mouse has not ventured onto a trap during the time of setting, starting with the first sighting two/three weeks ago.

Mouse is still present as it is still leaving small oval black presents overnight, particularly in the kitchen.

Mouse has been tempted with foods that have previously been successful:

  • chocolate
  • biscuit
  • specialized bait from the shop
  • peanut butter AND biscuit

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION PERTAINING TO THE CASE:

HD 1 – yours truly – was first to spot and scream report sighting.  She was a little unsure of herself since it was seen at night in her room, when she sat up and put on the light for only a few seconds, around 2am.

However, though HD 1 may have thought herself hallucinating, her story was corroborated the very next day, when HD2 – of sound judgement and good moral character – also screamed reported having seen ‘it’.

The second sighting was at 8pm, very early for a mouse in light of past experience.  HD2 has also complained of general noises, indicative of scratching, in her room.

HD1 now sleeps with the light on most of the night as well as a DVD playing as she doesn’t want to be frightened out of her mind by sudden appearance of A. Mouse.

HD2 has moved sleeping arrangements because she has alternatives.

The Mouse is still at large but there is a warrant out for its arrest, dead or alive.

This Mouse appears different to previous mice in a couple of ways:

  1. It is not grey.
  2. It does not keep the same hours as previous blighters (it doesn’t wait until the middle of the night to come out).
  3. It isn’t going for the bait.
  4. It appears cockier – it has been seen by HD2 while the light was on 8pm ish.

HD1 – myself – cannot bear the thought of a trap going off in her room and has therefore set two unsprung traps with food, to ascertain whether it is in that room and wanting food.  No food has been found missing.

All HDs have had disrupted nights and are getting very frustrated by this mouse-behaviour.

HDs realise that it is not A. Mouse’s fault that it has entered their abode, but nevertheless they are adamant that they will not live happily alongside it.

This case is complex, but if there are any new developments in mouse catching insight, HDs will try anything within reason.

 


I want to die sometimes…

July 29, 2012

You know the drill – if you’re staying away from suicidal ideation this is your warning:

Read the rest of this entry »


To text or not to text – welcome to my head

July 27, 2012

 

Welcome to my head – Please wipe your shoes at the door.

Anyone ever thought:

‘I should text [name], but what if…’

My Mum is coming home today after a few days holiday.  I casually thought I should text her the usual ‘hey, safe trip home’ etc, BUT THEN….

I think,

‘yeah, okay, but what if she’s already set off, is driving, and my text distracts her?’

Then (in my head) she hoofs up the tail end of some other guy’s/girl’s car, and that’s one of the best case scenarios.

WHAT TO DO?

Well, I’ve gone with the not-texting since I know her phone will probably be on LOUD as always and I’m not fully confident in her multi-tasking abilities (Not meant condescendingly – she really can’t multi-task).

It’s weird

when you start weighing up probabilities of causing an accident via STARTLE-text, versus potential hurt feelings ‘is no-one texting me’.

Same thing happens to me loads, especially when someone’s due in an

interview

or something serious.  My sister was once caught out by someone else’s text of ‘Good Luck’ during an interview, when her phone was on a

vibrate

that wasn’t exactly discreet – never had one of those phones that sound like a pneumatic drill on vibrate, the slutty sister of silent, but at least it wasn’t on loud I suppose.

I tend to weigh up the person.  I didn’t text my sister good luck coz I knew she was capapble of forgetting to turn the thing off.  In the end she was thrown by the insistent buzzing noise mid-question, so she gave the perpetrator an earful when she got out of the place.  But then, her fault really for not turning it off.  Still, I generally don’t text people if I know it’s the exact time they’ll be doing something life-changing that might screw with their concentration.

Although this all sounds terribly anxious thinking, and I am prone to over-think things, I have to temper it by adding all these mechanics of the brain are done in a 30 second time frame (SITUATION-TEXTEE’S PERSONTALITY-DECISION).

This is just one of those random things I thought I’d bore you all with…:)


Fifty Shades of Grey – let’s see what the fuss is about then…

July 14, 2012

I was round at my friend’s the other day – I don’t socialize much at the moment, but the weather being better probably gives me a bit more momentum.

She had bought the trilogy, of which Fifty Shades of Grey is the first book.

I’ve had no sleep at all last night so my writing is going to be lazy.

Anyway, I hadn’t heard about it – if I took notice of trends around me or was a daily natterer I guess I would have known.

“It’s like erotic fiction for women with S&M.  Everyone is talking about it,” she says.

Intriguing.

I was then informed that it had sold out causing panic and ebay bids of around £30 to get hold of this novel.  My friend had picked up her booty from the local Tesco.

“It’s on the bookshelf” 

she waves her hand to direct me, with the satisfied air of someone who has a full tank of petrol, just before the pumps dry out.  “On the top shelf is it?”- my dry, but harmless, sense of humour goes unnoticed.  She’s known me ages, she doesn’t have the same SOH, which is fine.  “No, it’s down at the bottom, near the DVDs.’

Book located, I idly wonder whether I should slip it into my bag and stick it on Ebay.  I reject the idea as

  1. a quick internet check confirmed ‘panic’ was over, shops had restocked and also,

  2.  STEALING IS WRONG.

I idly read the blurb, then the first page or two (to get a feel for the narrative) and then thumbed through to the first incidence of fornication -how else does one make a judgement upon whether to purchase such literature for oneself? I decided to give it a go since it is causing such widespread comment.

Actually, I am writing this over a draft now, so it’s a couple of weeks since I got the ebooks.

I will write a bit more about the books because actually they are rather an oddity – they remind me a little of Mill’s and Boon books that I devoured as a 13-year-old, but with, you know, restraints, handcuffs, whips, copious copulations etc.

Very shrewd mixture on the part of the novelist, and well, I’ll leave it there for now.

Ignore below, it’s a message to someone who kindly reads and comments on some of my posts.  Except if you are BM.  In that case don’t ignore below.

BM, saw something about a password.  No begging required, but I haven’t password protected anything for ages so maybe it’s an old post.  I moved some archives to their own page, an effort to tidy the blog up and delete repetitive ‘I feel crap’ posts.   I may need to check if they are being posted as if ‘new’ when they aren’t.


SodStar

The rewards of defeat are even better...

Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars

Borderline Personality Disorder. Psoriatic Arthritis, Fibromyalgia. Chronic illness. Me.

Deidra Alexander's Blog

I have people to kill, lives to ruin, plagues to bring, and worlds to destroy. I am not the Angel of Death. I'm a fiction writer.

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