Searching for the fat jean


Before I get started: I’ve been without internet connection for about three days, and it’s been AWFUL.  I have felt bereft.

My jeans don’t fit me anymore.  I’ve known for some time that I’ve been getting heavier.  I’ve done a splendid job of filing this expanding state of affairs somewhere in the back of my brain; category: ‘things I know but don’t really want to formally acknowledge’.  It’s a popular category in recent months.  Indeed, I fear this backwater category is, by sheer dint of its increasing volume, straining out of the back of my brain and forcing me to confront it face-to-face.  Mano-a-mano.

I tend to put weight on in the Winter months anyway, but with a lack of exercise added in, things have become uncomfortable.  I haven’t been this heavy for years and years, if ever.  My size 14 (formerly ‘fat’ jeans) now shriek ‘what are you trying to do to me?’ when I attempt to squeeze into them.

To add insult to injury, I have had to instigate a surreptitious ritual every time I have to wear freshly washed jeans.  Okay, so you know how jeans always tighten up when they’re freshly washed?  They always ‘give’ again once they’ve been worn a while, but recently I’ve been putting them on without zipping up.  And here’s the reason: I need to let them stretch while I wear them in – “Yes, Jeans, I know you were not meant to accommodate this extra hip fat, but I shall not take No! for an answer.  I will haul you up, underneath my dressing gown, then, bit by bit, I shall tug your zip, closing the gap, before reaching top button nirvana.”  Then I can whip my dressing gown off and finish getting dressed.

The Final Blow

I’m pretty sensitive about my weight.  I don’t like being this big, but I also don’t like dieting.  I use food to comfort and, since my CFS/Winter Blues flare ups, I’ve eaten more, exercised less.  I hate not being able to exercise as much as I once did and food sometimes fills the gap that exercise used to (mood-lifting).  I’m taking steps, trying to reintroduce the gym and trying to get my strength back. 

You know, a girl doesn’t like to go up a dress size.  I’ve been in denial for a while, determined not to go out and buy clothes I would actually feel comfortable in, that don’t dig in around the waist and leave me with a muffin-top.  I just couldn’t face it. 

Today, however, I have decided to get myself some new jeans.  As I was completing the aforementioned squeeze-into-your-jeans technique today, something untoward happened.  I’d got the jeans on, had breakfast, still unzipped, but hopeful that soon I would be scaling the heights of Mount Zip.  After using the bathroom I thought this would be an ideal opportunity to start climbing.  I was a little over-zealous, grabbing the zip key and yanking, rather than the creep-creep-creep approach that is to be preferred for this process.

Skrunk! (This is the noise I heard.  No word exists for the noise a zip makes when dying, but this comes as near as I can get it)

Uh Oh!

Something flies across the bathroom, hits the wall and drops to the floor like an electrocuted insect.

I look down.

It all happened so fast.  I couldn’t see anything.  How could I know?

Not only has the zip key flown to freedom, it has also taken with it the bottom stop along with a couple of teeth from the main bit. 

My zip is a gonner.

I have decided to go and get myself some cheap bigger jeans.  Actually, not bigger.  I still don’t want to go above size 14, but with judicious choosing of stores I can obtain a pair that will fit better until I can lose a bit of weight.  I went to the gym yesterday, so I’m really going to make an effort now.

That said, I don’t think upping the exercise is going to do much if I don’t sort out my ridiculously sweet tooth and propensity to comfort eat.


6 thoughts on “Searching for the fat jean

  1. Gaining weight is so shit isn’t it?! I have gone up at least 2 sizes lately. I say at least, because I refuse to actually go and buy any new clothes until I lose weight, so I am reliant on the clothes in my wardrobe, that are in a range of sizes, going back several years, to accomodate my fluctuating weight. Unfortunately I can currently only find 1 pair of trousers and 2 skirts that fit. The rest is too small. The trousers that fit are 2 sizes above what I was wearing 6 months ago, and if I gain another pound they aren’t going to fit either. Whilst I know logically that I have not in fact morphed into an elephant, it sure does feel like it.

    I thoroughly approve of the choosing the shop regarding clothes sizes. I generally find Next come up larger than some other shops. Dorothy Perkins are hideously hit and miss – I had the confusing situation of one item in there being too big, and yet not being able to do up the next size up in a different item. Don’t go near Miss Selfridge or Warehouse – they are at least 1 size smaller than most other shops.

    Sweet tooth and comfort eating? I am right with you on those! Chocolate, sweets, cake, biscuits. Mmmmm! God, now I have made myself hungry, I might have to go and get something to eat.

    • yup, gaining is crap for sure. I also find Next is generally generous with its sizing, and DP too. I have recently bought a sweater dress from Miss. Sel, which is fine, but it’s the jeans that are the difficult thing to buy.
      Take care,
      L x

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