I said I wouldn’t post anything on here unless it was something new I’d done or something new I wanted to say. I went on a date yesterday. That was new. And terrifying.
How nice it is to sit here behind my computer screen and type my emotions out from a distance. I can’t do that in real life. In real life emotions come up and grab you by the neck and shake you until you’re afraid you might pass out. Then they shake you more until you want to pass out.
I met him on an internet dating site. I liked his profile. His messages struck the right tone and, after a time spent texting, he asked if I wanted to meet up. I did want to meet him, though I don’t like dates – they are scary and awkward and no one will convince me that they are anything other than a necessary evil.
I had nothing to lose but a few hours of time and a little sanity. If I ever have another relationship at some point again in my life then, let’s face it, I need to bite the bullet and go on a date if I’m lucky enough to be asked. So, my anxiety levels were high from the day before until the date began. I managed my anxiety by ignoring it and also telling myself super-sensible things when my brain got wiry – things like “Of course you’re anxious, this is the first date you’ve had in a long time, but it will get easier.”
The date was okay. I don’t feel a strong attraction either way, but it wasn’t awful. It was a blessed relief when it was out of the way and I’d probably need to have several dates lined up if I were to overcome my ‘first dates are scary interview things’ mentality.
I don’t know if I’ll see him again. I do know that I managed to do something that scared me and that, as usual, the apprehension far outweighed the reality.