Mood again


 

Christ, I’m flat as a pancake today.  It’s difficult to know what to do about it because my brain feels sludgy.  Yesterday I felt ropey as well but I had a craft class to go to and, despite thinking I really didn’t want to go, it turned out to be a welcome diversion for a couple of hours.

Today I went for a walk – it’s sunny and I’m told on good authority that walking + being outside = Good4You.  Again, it was a diversion.  It was something I thought I ‘should’ do just in case this pancake mood decides to go all fruity on me and takes me to the next level of mood-low. 

I am detatched and hazy.  I hope it doesn’t stick round long.

2 thoughts on “Mood again

  1. Hi Bluesilk! I was doing an Internet search on the term: depression and selfishness and came across your blog. The entry that I read was: “Ask me something easier”: March 2009.
    Your entry did help me to understand a bit about my mom. She has suffered from major depression for as long as I can remember. Over the past 8 years (since my dad died) it has been so hard to deal with. Without writing a book it should suffice to say that she seems to have little to no interest in her grandkids. She rarely asks about them (ages 4 and 5). When I send her pics and talk about their adventures I usually receive no comment. In fact, she sometimes responds with something pertaining to her own sadness. Like today. I sent her some cute pics of the kids and some info about them. Her texted response: “Daphne’s dying (her eldest dog) and I’m tired.”
    I know that her pup dying is a huge deal. I know that will overshadow everything related to grandkids. But, it’s just one example of how she has been over the years. Her sadness, her trials always take precedence. She doesn’t appear to know her grandkids birth dates. She never calls to talk to them. Rarely inquires about them. It hurts.
    When my dad died, her grief seemed to be the only grief that mattered. She never acknowledged my own profound grief. At the time I was 32 and his death hit me so hard I referred to it as “a bitch slap to the soul.”
    Oh I could go on and on. I love her-but I have a hard time with her apparent selfishness. I learned from your blog and from other sources that depressed people can’t help but be selfish.
    But, will you please try to help me understand how my mom seems so uninterested in her little grandkids? She moved thousands of miles away when my first child was only 6 months old. Ever since then it feels like I have to make an effort to drum up her interest in them. It hurts. But, mom seems unmoved by that. In the kids baby years I would bridge the topic and mom would just say something to the effect of: “you have someone; I have no one. It’s just me.”
    How can she have no interest in the 2 children that mean everything to me?
    Please help me to understand!
    With thanks,
    Kelley

  2. Hi Kelley,
    I read your comment with sadness. I’m sincerely sorry for what you’ve been through, and are going through, with your own grief and your Mum’s.
    That said, unfortunately I’m unable to help you understand why your Mum is uninterested in her grandchildren. There is more than one kind of depression and I can only speak for myself on this blog when I talk about my own feelings. If you have a good relationship with your Mom ask her if she can explain how she’s feeling and why. Or perhaps consult a MH professional for advice.

    If anyone else is reading this and feels able to wade in with an answer for Kelley, then please feel free to comment underneath.

    Wishing you well,
    Louise x

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