Can’t be arsed


 

I’m having a severe case of Can’t Be Arsed at the minute.  Days are blending.  I’m getting very little done.  I wake up a little come evening for some reason and so I get to sleep later (my body doesn’t want to sleep before 2 or 3am) and wake up later.

I think it’s funny that I am inventing reasons to leave the house to try to stem this inexorable tide of can’t-be-arsed-ness.  I’m not one of those people who can go out just because one shouldn’t stay indoors all day.  I have to have a reason, however flimsy.

So, I go to the shop for a magazine.  I go to the shop for any other thing I can think of.  Also, I go to the gym, but – and this is the funny part – I don’t go for the workout.  I go because it’s the only way to ensure I have a shower.  How lame is that?

I don’t do much if anything in the gym, like, maybe 1o minutes treadmill walking at OAP pace, before scarpering back to the changing rooms for that all-important shower.  But, I say, whatever gets us through, right?  We may have funny rituals and weirdnesses, but if it gets us through then it can’t be bad.

Anyway, just thought I’d share that.  I’m actually just writing this to put off today’s gym visit, but it needs to get done.  I haven’t showered for two and a half days now…

7 thoughts on “Can’t be arsed

  1. There’s very little you can do at present except see this through in the way you are doing. *But I say, whatever gets us through…it can’t be bad* is the nub of it and is an insight that could help others. I take it you’re seeing someone, taking meds, etc. Don’t let yourself get isolated or fall below the radar. This will pass.

    M

    • I always fall below the radar because there’s no easy way in once you’re discharged from services, in my experience. Thanks for the support anyway, appreciated🙂

  2. Hi Louise,

    I think the change to winter is affecting you. I too have the same “can’t be arsed” feeling and my exercise bike is looking more off-putting everyday.

    I am very much of the mind that winter is for hibernation. So I say get comfy under your covers and sleep till the thaw.

    Dom x

    • yeah I know it is affecting me because the flavour of the dullness is not quite the same as a ‘normal’ depression. I’m slogging through it anyway best I can x

  3. Hi Louise,

    I’m new to your blog – came across it on Bipidee’s blog.

    I am interested in your admission about needing an excuse to shower. I wrote a post about washing in general (related to my own experiences of depression as part of being bipolar). I was surprised at the number of people who read this post (I watch my page stats closely). Evidently, this is a common problem with mental illness, or certainly one of interest in my readers! The thing is that I remember as a teenager and young adult, I loved showering – and hated being skanky at all. But this feeling about showers goes beyond skankiness: it is just a sort of revulsion about what being clean represents. I think it has something to do with feeling that cleanliness is for normal, functioning people – something that seems unattainable to me at the moment. People with jobs shower because they have to leave the house to work with other people. Healthy, happy people shower because they are…. healthy and happy – also seemingly unattainable. Successful people shower because they like who they are and have a purpose in life… This whole list is a ream of excuses of course and reading them in black and white causes me to realise how flimsy the excuses really are. But, I’m on a better day than yesterday: when I have a black day (and nothing other than sleep matters), I don’t give a monkeys duck about washing, being tidy, eating correctly. It just feels like I’m being interfered with when I make that sort of an effort because it all feels so frigging pointless…

    I think what you are doing is spiffing – who cares that you mince around on the machines at the gym if it encourages you to use the showers? If doing something differently to what you would do in the home is ringing the changes and getting you into an association or rhythm, who cares how you do it!

    Really keep going with that: I used to run 4 times a week for 3.5 – 4.5 kms – 10 minutes on the treadmill would be impressive right now…

    Big hugs,

    Clarissa X

    • Thanks Clarissa,
      it’s funny I also remember doing those longer runs when I felt more energised. I think those thoughts about the pointlessness of washing (for what??) if we haven’t got a job, or appointment etc is a good insight. It’s become obvious to me that I need to get a new routine – some way of making it worthwhile to make the effort.
      L x

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