Refuse to leave my room til I’m sure I won’t kill anyone


This is a LACK OF SLEEP POST so if you were searching for Handy Hints For the Serial Killer Trying to Quit, please be informed I’ve covered that already.  I’m three years abstinent now.

Oh I don’t know how many more crappy nights sleep I can take without seriously going mental.  My version is that I can’t get off to sleep.  I don’t know why but the type of sleep problem seems to be important because doctors always ask these questions:

Q: DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE GETTING OFF TO SLEEP? – YES

Q: DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING TOO MUCH? – NO

Q: DO YOU WAKE FREQUENTLY ONCE YOU HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP – NO

There are probably more, but at the moment it’s 4am before I’m falling asleep and because there are people around me waking up and making noise at normal times of day, I can’t sleep past 9 and will have already briefly woken at 7am when sister is getting showered etc for work.

Today really pissed me off because I probably could have stayed asleep without the constant talking and moving crap in and out of the wardrobes.  I really wanted to yell ‘shut the fuck up’ or ‘go have your boring discussions somewhere else’.

I’m also on my period.  Hence the extra irritability.

But I seriously can’t stand much more of this sleep deprivation and I took sleeping tablets at 4am – they sort of push me off to sleep but as stated it’s the staying asleep as I’m a light sleeper.  The fucking irony is, and isn’t it always this way, when you give up the battle and sit up grumpily resigned to your wakefulness, then, and only then, not a minute sooner, ALL THE FUCKING NOISE STOPS!!!

2 thoughts on “Refuse to leave my room til I’m sure I won’t kill anyone

  1. I’m sorry you’re having trouble sleeping. which sleeping tablets do you take? you may need something stonger, just for the time being. It’s not good to be sleep deprived, I know it always sends me mental. Hope tonight is better!

    • thanks hun,
      I think the sleep thing is a really common first sign that you’re mind/body aren’t too harmonious.

      Sleeping tablets I have are not great – amitriptyline (not really a sleeping tablet), and drowsy anti-histamines are a combo I use.

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